aright, mate?

Now that the semester is over, I've chosen to spend my newly-freed time very unwisely: by engaging in marathon viewings of the most remarkably inane British reality television show, The Only Way is Essex. Call it Rubbishfest '12.

The "real people" on the show are basically a British translation of the vacant stares and pancake makeup of those chicks on The Hills; except that these Essex girls and boys audaciously flaunt the stereotypes they endorse, rather than pretending to be smarter and classier than they really are. They're real brain-cell killers, these birds and geezers; they're the recklessly spray-tanned, boob-jobbed foremen of the New World cultural wasteland. And I'm telling you, they're bloody brilliant to watch.

Anyway, this show is rather taking over my life, and I am dangerously close to adopting my very own Estuary English accent. So in celebration of those charming T-glottalizations and Yod-coalescences, here's a very small selection of my favourite full-on English choons.

Blur - "Parklife"

An exquisite, hyper-literate satire from the masters of hooky Britpop. Apparently, Damon Albarn took inspiration from Martin Amis's incredibly dense novel London Fields. So, probably not a TOWIE fan? 

Wiley - "Can I Have A Taxi Please"

A user's guide to London accents. (Thanks to the lovely LILWHY for showing me this gem!)

Sham 69 - "Borstal Breakout"

Obnoxious aggro intensity always sounds better from the mouth of a Cockney boy. Always.

The Streets - "Don't Mug Yourself"

Oi, Mike Skinner in a Fred Perry polo! Right fit, innit?

Ian Dury - "Billericay Dickie"

Mulleted weirdness from Essex's resident court jester. I'm not a huge Ian Dury fan, but Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll is probably something you should see before you die.